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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25824832">No Need For Dreaming</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitsori/pseuds/bitsori'>bitsori</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Mostly Fluff, coming to terms with feelings, coming to terms with sexuality</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 12:09:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,162</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25824832</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitsori/pseuds/bitsori</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Fuck,</i> Seungmin  thinks, nursing his throbbing head as he fills the coffee pot with water. He's ticked off because it's like Changbin didn't even think that Seungmin might have wanted to see him and give him a proper goodbye before he jetted off halfway across the world again.</p><p>To be fair, that's what the farewell party from the previous night was supposed to be, but still. <i>Still.</i></p><p>A more proper form of goodbye feels warranted after he'd put Changbin up at his apartment for almost a week. He deserves as much for being a generous friend and a gracious host, he thinks. And when he looks in the pantry and realises that he's all out of ground coffee, he knows for sure that it really isn’t going to be a good day.</p><p>He blames Changbin.</p><p>--</p><p>or: Seungmin and Changbin are childhood friends separated by dreams of tomorrow. ( AU )</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>196</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>No Need For Dreaming</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  <span class="small">[ 1 ] First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEO CHANGBIN!!!!!! You deserve all the happiness in the world ♥</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="small">[ 2 ] I finished this at the last minute so I barely had time to repeatedly proof it, so.... mistakes are probably abound. I'm sorry. I just really wanted to post on Changbin's birthday. ;;;</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="small">[ 3 ] <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0c67mOta3y1jCDRfM6eatq?si=NZ6nHX_sQISyVuBwYKiEHw">Here is a playlist that goes along with this story.</a> It's filled mostly with songs about being separated by physical distance, haha.</span>
</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>When Seungmin wakes up, it's not until after he’s had to hit the snooze button on his alarm at least three times – and when he finally gets out of bed, he's met with a note, written in his childhood friend's chicken scratch handwriting, pinned to his door.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Yo Seungmong, had to leave earlier than planned because Jisung’s brother called to tell me their mom has a last minute package they want me to deliver to him. Heading straight to the airport afterwards—will text you there! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Didn't wake you up because you were still kinda wasted last night, so I figured I’d let you rest. Besides, I know better than anyone how you get when it comes to your beauty rest. Harhar. ;p </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Don't do anything I won't do, and miss me a lot! - SCB </em>
</p><p> </p><p>It's 9 in the morning, and Seungmin is pretty annoyed.</p><p>“This lack of courtesy, geez,” he mutters, tearing the note down and crumpling it before attempting to toss it into the trash bin by his desk. He fails – which only serves to further dampen his mood.</p><p>Grumpily, he walks out of his room, stepping over some of his friends who are splayed out in the living room – a clear morning after a night spent drinking recklessly – so he can get to the kitchen.</p><p><em> Fuck, </em> he thinks, nursing his throbbing head as he fills the coffee pot with water. He's ticked off because it's like Changbin didn't even think that Seungmin might have wanted to see him and give him a proper goodbye before he jetted off halfway across the world again. </p><p>To be fair, that's what the farewell party from the previous night was supposed to be, but still. <em> Still. </em></p><p>A more proper form of goodbye feels warranted after he'd put Changbin up at his apartment for almost a week. He deserves as much for being a generous friend and a gracious host, he thinks. </p><p>When he looks in the pantry and realises that he's all out of ground coffee, he knows for sure that it really isn’t going to be a good day.<br/>
<br/>
He blames Changbin.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>##</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>Changbin has been living in L.A. for the last year, staying at a dinky two-room flat with two other guys that most days, he knows he's lucky enough to call his bandmates. There are some days, though, when the claustrophobia gets to him and he feels suffocated by just breathing the same air as Chan and Jisung – lucky for him, these are just <em> some </em> days and not most.</p><p>The move—if one can call it that—had been Chan’s brain child.</p><p>Changbin was in his last year of high school when he first met Chan, and in his first of university when they met Jisung and took him under their joint wing, and the three of them had formalised calling themselves 3RACHA. Between the three of them, they had a wide net of musical genres that they were all interested in, but surprisingly that only allowed them to work with each other more harmoniously and creatively.</p><p>For three years they worked together, uploading music on SoundCloud and performing lowkey gigs in small live clubs that littered the Hongdae area. Hip-hop was a genre that was on the rise, and together with the fact that Chan seemed to be the most well-connected university student in Seoul, it allowed their group to garner a decent sized following.</p><p>And with that came opportunities—well, <em> an </em> opportunity anyway. Some small label in the US, headed by an Asian-American had contacted Chan, telling him that he had come across their SoundCloud account and that he was interested in helping them grow their music. The deal they had been offered wasn’t stellar, but it was an <em> international </em>opportunity that promised growth and experience at the very least, and all three of them had agreed that they would be stupid to pass it up.</p><p>Granted, Changbin had been skeptical—he’d never really traveled abroad; when he was younger his parents had asked him if he wanted to try and study overseas but he’d been paralysed and hindered by the thought of not being in the same time zone as his parents and he’d said no. </p><p>At 23, however, he refused to show such a weak side to his bandmates. </p><p>Granted, the fact that only Chan had gotten his degree among the three of them should have probably earned more resistance to the idea of packing up and moving across continents, but Changbin figured he could afford to take a year off school, and then just see where he’s to go from there once their initial contract is up. (Jisung, on the other hand, was all set to drop out of school; being so sure about what he wanted in life, that he could easily drop everything else—there was something admirable about that, Changbin thought.)</p><p>“This is a bad idea,” Seungmin had told him straight up, skepticism and worry lining his features even as he begrudgingly helped Changbin pack his things.</p><p>To be fair, outside of his family, Seungmin has always been the biggest supporter of Changbin’s musical endeavours—Seungmin was with him when he bought his first ever CD album with his own allowance. He was eleven, and Seungmin was ten, and it was  around the time when music shops were on the verge of extinction; he'd dragged Seungmin to a Hottracks store just to get the new Supreme Team album.</p><p>And when he was thirteen, and he had started playing around with audio programs, and he'd started trying his hand at creating his own music, Seungmin was the first person who had heard his attempts at songs (if he could even call them that). </p><p>And when he was nineteen, and 3RACHA had their first public performance, Seungmin had been the first person he gave complimentary tickets to—and Seungmin had been the first person in through the door that night, camera in hand, all set to document the entire night for prosperity’s sake.</p><p>So—Changbin  knew better, and he simply chalked Seungmin's attitude and Seungmin's disparaging words to Seungmin already missing him before he even left; that’s just how Seungmin is, anyway. He’s sweet, but he isn’t always the best at showing affection, especially not when he really cares.</p><p>“Just say what you really mean,” Changbin teased him because this is how their back and forth went. “Because I’ll miss you too, Seungminnie.”</p><p>Seungmin had scowled at him. “What happens after the first year? Do you honestly think 3RACHA will make it there within a year? If it all falls apart—will you come back to study here? Have you really thought this through, hyung?”</p><p>The skepticism had pricked at Changbin more than he cared to admit, but outwardly, he just shrugged and put on a confident smirk. “We’ll see, who knows, and I’ll cross that bridge when I get there?” He’d chuckled, not wanting to show Seungmin any sign of weakness; as the older one in their friendship,  he never wants to give Seungmin any reason to view him as weak—he wants Seungmin to know that he’s someone that can be depended on despite any kind of reckless decisions he might be making. “No matter what, I’ll be back in a year, though,” he promised.</p><p>What actually happened was 1) their first year in the US goes by very slowly with very little, but also very steady improvement; their label unleashes on them small-time producers who help them improve their craft but do nothing with regards to truly getting them any relevant recognition; 2) they have a few songs bought from them by C-level acts, and those get them some coin in their pockets, but that is, in no way classified as making it big, and even though things don’t exactly <em> fall apart, </em>3) Changbin didn’t come back to finish the rest of his university education anyway.</p><p>His mother tried convincing him to come home—<em> come back and get your degree, you only have a few units left to complete anyway, </em> but his father had surprisingly expressed very strong encouragement for him to continue on if music is really what he wants to do. Changbin had been shocked, but touched, and now he feels as if he’s not allowed to let anything stop him from chasing after what had once seemed like such a pipe dream.</p><p>“Why couldn’t you just have chosen to audition in one of the many idol agencies here at home,” his sister had teased him after he broke the news.</p><p>“You know we’re not just about fame, noona,” he’d told her, sincere in his tone even though his older sister had tried to play her comment off as a joke. He knew she was still mildly upset, mostly because the two of them have always been very close, and she’s missed him. “We really want this.”</p><p>“I can’t believe you,” Seungmin had told him, his nose scrunched in that certain way it always did whenever he was trying to downplay whatever emotion he was actually feeling. “I knew the fucking US would steal you away.”</p><p>Changbin had just grinned at him. He knew never to take Seungmin’s profanities seriously. “I’ll visit. When I get extra cash or something.”</p><p>“Yeah, sure,” Seungmin mumbled; at that point they’d already gone almost eleven full months without seeing each other in person.</p><p>He kept his promise and came back to South Korea to visit after their first year was up; he had returned for a two week vacation, just him, because Chan had flown to Australia instead, about a month ago, because that’s where his family had migrated to when he was in college, while Jisung had chosen to push back his own home visit—mostly because he’s bad at budgeting and he can’t afford a two week vacation at the moment.</p><p>For the first half of his visit Changbin stayed with his family in Yongin, but after a week he’d gone to visit Seungmin who is now living in an apartment closer to his university in Seoul; he’d spent the rest of his vacation time split between meeting old friends he hasn’t seen in a year, and sleeping on his childhood friend’s couch.</p><p>On his last night, Seungmin and their mutual friends threw him a surprise farewell party at the apartment. Frankly, it was a surprise more because Changbin knew Seungmin hated hosting parties because of the amount of work it took to clean up after their friends.</p><p>“For a safe trip, and for your birthday,” Seungmin had explained, smiling genuinely and for once without a hint of snark in his tone. “Since you won’t be here on your birthday. <em> Again.” </em> </p><p>He’s looking through the pictures taken at the party on his phone when Jisung barges into the bedroom they share, presumably just coming home from the studio. Changbin glances at his wristwatch—6PM. He hadn’t even realised it was almost dinner time.</p><p>“Hyung! You’re back!” Jisung exclaims, lighting up before crashing on the futon beside him. “How was home? You wanna order in or should I just boil water for some ramyeon?”</p><p>“Still the same,” Changbin shrugs. “Your mother sent you some summer clothes—and also some homemade kimchi that I had to check-in, together with a bunch of other side dishes. It’s a wonder I didn’t go over the weight limit, honestly.”</p><p>“Ah, thanks for acting courier, hyung.” Jisung grins at him. And then he groans, rolling over and burying his head into his pillow before reaching to pull his phone out of his back pocket. “I’m so tired—let’s just Postmates something.”</p><p>Changbin laughs, but he isn’t about to argue when he knows that eventually Jisung is just going to wear him down, and he’ll be the one who ends up preparing dinner for both of them. It’s funny how just a little over a year ago he couldn’t even make scrambled eggs—at least these days he knows how to make a few simple dishes.</p><p>“Okay. Let’s get Chinese,” he agrees. “You already know what I like from Zhang’s.”</p><p>Jisung hums; he’s already on his phone, the delivery app open with him expertly choosing all sorts of dishes.</p><p>“Did anything new happen while I was away?” Changbin asks as he watches his roommate pick and choose from the online menu.</p><p>“Hm. Well.” Jisung presses his tongue against the inside of his cheek, eyes not leaving his phone screen as he engages in conversation. “Channie-hyung went on a date.”</p><p>Changbin has to do a double take at that. “Well, that’s certainly new,” he comments, eyes wide. “For real?!”</p><p>Jisung laughs. “No, not for real—we <em> wish </em> it was for real. He keeps trying to flirt with the new receptionist at the studio though, it’s almost painful to watch.”</p><p>“There’s a new receptionist?” Changbin lifts an eyebrow. “Well you could’ve led with that.”</p><p>Jisung grins and finally puts his phone away; presumably he’s done placing an order for their dinner. “Yeah, her name’s Yerin, I think? She’s pretty—not my type, though.”</p><p>“But he’s hyung’s?”</p><p>“Looks like it—but if he’s hers as well... I’ll have to get back to you on that,” Jisung answers, laughing. “Oh! But—I just remembered.” His grin grows wider, and Changbin straightens up in attention because this is Jisung’s excited grin. “We’ve got a gig this weekend at some club downtown. I forgot the name, but Joochan says that place is up and coming so I suppose that’s a good thing.” Changbin nods, but then Joochan—a friend of theirs who interns at the label—says that about every other hole in the wall club they play at. It doesn’t matter to him though, because even though he enjoys producing music with his friends, and even though he enjoys getting paid royalties when other singers sing their songs, he appreciates every chance they get to perform. </p><p>“I also heard Channie-hyung talking to management the other day,” Jisung continues. “Apparently if we do well at that performance, then they have something big coming for us.”</p><p>“Oh?” Well that has Changbin’s interest piqued. “Something big, huh?”</p><p>Jisung smiles sheepishly. “Okay, I was in that meeting, but I was kind of falling asleep in the middle of it all. Chan-hyung was doing most of the talking!”</p><p>They hear the front door open and close, and then a scuffle of feet moving around the tiny apartment.</p><p>“Speak of the devil,” Jisung brightens up, seemingly filled with energy again as he hops onto his feet. “Looks like hyung’s home. You can ask him yourself what this big development is all about.”</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>The big thing is a tour.</p><p>Sort of.</p><p>It’s not really their own 3RACHA tour; they’re going to be fronting for DAY6, an up and coming band from the homeland that their label has managed to lure into making an attempt at a career in the US as well. The difference is that they're already signed with a small agency back home, so this tour is more a joint venture between managements. They already have a small international following apparently, thanks to one of their members being  a California native who is somewhat social media savvy, and that's probably why 3RACHA's US-based agency thought bringing them over to America would be lucrative.</p><p>Management has devised a West Coast road tour for them, and then decided that it would be best to get their money's worth by slapping 3RACHA onto the tour as an opening act, with the hopes that it will help widen their American fanbase. Never mind that 3RACHA and DAY6's music are in no way similar, according to management, exposure is still exposure.</p><p>All of 3RACHA, quite frankly, are just ecstatic at the opportunity to see more of the US while being allowed to perform and share their music with a bigger audience.</p><p>“We’ll probably get time to ourselves, right?” Jisung muses out loud, already on his phone and searching for sights to see along the Pacific Coast.</p><p>Chan chuckles and shrugs, but he’s looking over Jisung’s shoulder, clearly interested in sightseeing as well, at least if they can. Changbin can’t blame them, and he knows he’ll gladly be dragged along to whichever tourist traps they add to their itinerary.</p><p>Frankly, one of his first thoughts is Seungmin, who has always been an avid fan of DAY6, and almost had a light freak out when he learned that the band had signed some sort of distribution contract with the label Changbin was under—and now he's probably going to have an actual meltdown once he learns that Changbin is going to be on the road with them for a couple of months.</p><p>It's cute, Changbin has always thought, the way Seungmin is so passionate about his love for DAY6's music. (“When are you going to start being as gung ho about 3RACHA's music?” Changbin asked him once; he'd played it off as a joke but there was a very small part of him that has always wished for a display of the same kind of enthusiasm when it comes to <em> his </em> music, but he knows that Seungmin’s musical taste slightly skews a different way. It’s enough to know that Seungmin is always cheering him on, in his own way, even when it tends to be packaged with statements like, “Maybe when pigs fly,” which is the answer Seungmin had given that one time in response to his question.)</p><p>Their  friends, of course, are mostly excited for them when Changbin has the personal pleasure of telling them about the tour over video call.</p><p>“I’m a little jealous,” Hyunjin says, all pouty. “I wonder if there’s any way we can go and catch a show?”</p><p>“Like we’re made of money!” Jeongin scoffs. </p><p>“Well, the tour isn’t until the summer, right?” Hyunjin argues, sounding pretty determined. “We have a couple of months to save up and wait for discounted airplane seats. Besides, Seungmin’s parents travel a lot, maybe they can hook us up with some frequent flyer discounts!” He pauses and stares straight into the camera. “Hey, hyung, what’s the cheapest town you’ll be playing at? We’ll see you there!”</p><p>“Cheapskate—” Jisung interjects as he approaches from behind Changbin, leaning on his shoulder and sticking out his tongue at Hyunjin who huffs and childishly returns the gesture. </p><p>It all makes Changbin laugh, because they’ll be playing at most 4 to 5 songs per location, but he’s really excited and happy about the support that they’re getting from their friends back home. It’s been a bit lonely being so far away from them, especially when the progress they’ve been making in their career so far has barely been felt—but this is a good opportunity, the best one they’ve had so far. It’s a way to finally get their name out there, and that’s big enough to brag about to their friends.</p><p>“Hey, the photography department is having an exhibit next month,” Seungmin shares with Changbin when everyone else has logged off, and both Chan and Jisung are busy in the living room, scarfing down pizza while watching some anime that Chan has on his Netflix queue; it’s just the two of them left because this is how their group video calls have always ended ever since 3RACHA had moved to the US. They’ve known each other the longest in their little friend group, and everyone respects that well enough to give them their own catch-up time. “I’m one of the students who gets to display their work,” he adds, smiling excitedly.</p><p>When Changbin was 7, Seungmin's family had moved into the same building that his own family had been living in even before he was born. He was in the lobby, tightly holding on to his mother’s hand as she checked for their mail when they ran into Seungmin and <em> his </em> mother, who were doing the same thing.</p><p>Seungmin was pretty small back then, especially for his age, and he had been meek and bashful, clinging to his mother’s dress as he hid behind her. Changbin had been bored while their mothers made small talk, his own heartily welcoming Seungmin’s mother with building gossip. </p><p>“Hi, I’m Seo Changbin, 7 years old,” he introduced himself in the way his father had taught him to. “We live on the tenth floor.”</p><p>“Kim Seungmin,” the other boy had answered. “6 years old, 8th floor.” He had been really shy and reserved back then, and Changbin had felt responsible for taking him under his wing. He had no idea that in the next decade or so, Seungmin would grow up to be more personable, more confident, and a good two inches taller than him; he also didn’t take into consideration the way that Seungmin would grow up to be witty, diligent and somehow sharp with his words, but he supposes that day when he introduced himself to the boy, he’d entered a friendship that could be deemed lifelong.</p><p>“Hey—that’s big!” Changbin exclaims through the video call, a big sideways grin adoring his face. “Not everyone gets chosen for those exhibits right? Congratulations, wish I could be there.” </p><p>“Same,” Seungmin says. He shrugs his shoulders but he’s smiling.</p><p>“You make me feel homesick sometimes,” Changbin tells Seungmin jokingly; or—at least he passes it off as a joke.</p><p>“Is that such a bad thing?” Seungmin raises an eyebrow.</p><p>Changbin simply laughs. <em> All jokes are half-meant, </em> he thinks, but what he says is, “Good luck with your show.”</p><p>“You too.”</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>At the start of the tour, they go further down south first; there’s a small beach town there, close to the border, that apparently houses enough DAY6 fans to warrant a small show at a local club.</p><p>The agency rents a tour bus for them, and to minimize costs, it’s agreed that a couple of the roadies are to take turns behind the wheel. There was a moment during the initial meeting when DAY6’s leader, Sungjin, insisted that he can pitch in some driving hours himself, and he was pretty insistent too, explaining that back in South Korea, one of his part-time jobs before fully focusing on their career as musicians had been driving a delivery truck. Of course that had been dashed when their lead guitarist, Jae, the one who grew up in California before moving to Seoul in his early 20's, had promptly pointed out that he didn’t exactly have a license in the US.</p><p>Within two hours on the bus, Jisung randomly makes a quip about how it’s going to feel like one of those student field trips, which somehow sparks a nostalgic discussion about high school between both groups.</p><p>“He’s so hyper,” Dowoon, DAY6’s drummer, who is seated closest to Changbin, mutters. He nods towards Jisung as he says it, with a somewhat amused expression on his face, and then he turns to Changbin, making it clear that he’s engaging in a casual conversation with him. Changbin doesn’t think the other man has really said more than two words to him since they first met a month ago, so he’s a little surprised. “Is he always like that?” Dowoon adds.</p><p>Changbin snorts. “More or less. At least if he has an audience.”</p><p>Between the members of DAY6, and the rest of the staff and crew accompanying them on this tour and traveling with them on the bus, all of them focused on him as he humorously recounts the story of when his high school class had traveled to Jeonju for their senior trip.</p><p>“He reminds me a little of Brian-hyung,” Wonpil, DAY6’s keyboardist who is seated on Dowoon’s other side, muses in observation; he’s talking about their band’s bassist, who is seated in another corner of the bus, laughing loudly at Jisung’s storytelling antics.</p><p>“They’re both very noisy,” Chaeyoung, the resident make-up artist cum stylist along for the ride, points out huffily as she settles down next to Changbin. “I’ve a feeling a lot of patience is going to be needed during these following two months.”</p><p>Changbin laughs; when he glances at Jisung’s direction again, it seems as if he’s now in the middle of a friendly argument with one of the sound technicians—Minho, he thinks is the guy’s name; the one who had approached him earlier, right before they all boarded the bus, and casually rambled to him about the weather. Changbin had been taken aback by his familiar demeanor, but Jisung seems unfazed because the way they’re bickering makes it seem like they’ve known each other for years.</p><p>Beside them, Chan looks like he doesn’t know whether he should stop them before their bank and forth turns into anything more serious, or if he should just loosen up and laugh them off.</p><p>Changbin snorts again. “Looks to me like they’re having fun.”</p><p>Dowoon and Wonpil just exchange looks and laugh; Changbin takes a picture of the scene in front of him and promptly sends it to Seungmin.</p><p>It’s late in the afternoon when they finally arrive at the town where they’re supposed to be playing the following night; everyone’s tired from half a day’s worth of road travel, but the motel they’re staying at is a mere ten minute walk away from the beach, so both bands and the crew all agree to throw a small party near the shore.</p><p>It’s strange how well everyone is meshing together, Changbin included. By the end of the night, he’s flanked by Chaeyoung and Jisung, the three of them leading a sing-along of one of DAY6’s more popular songs, while everyone else toasts to the bonfire that some of the road crew had earlier set up. He’s buzzed, and happy—but for some reason, when he manages to get away for a few seconds and he opens his phone to a message from Seungmin, he feels more homesick than he ever has been over the last year. </p><p>(“I’m not even there, and I can still hear Jisung being noisy,” is what Seungmin has written to him; it’s a response to the picture he’d sent earlier of the inside of the tour bus. It makes him laugh because he understands what Seungmin means and while Seungmin isn’t there with them, <em> he </em> can hear the words clearly in his head in Seungmin’s own voice, sharp and just a tad nasal; the time converter widget on his phone says that it’s late afternoon back in Seoul. Changbin imagines Seungmin is taking a break from whatever he’s doing – probably studying.</p><p>For some reason, the image makes him smile and calms his homesickness just a little.)</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Their first performance ends up being far from perfect. For one, someone in the lighting crew makes a mistake with timing, and Changbin spends a good chunk of their first song shrouded in the dark. More than that, however, is it seems that they really should have planned their setlist better.</p><p>They're joined by a local band in opening for DAY6, and because of this they're only given time to play three songs. The problem with this is 1) the local band has a pretty zealous local following, which results in them being a tough act to follow; and 2) they pick their three more recent songs to perform, which all happen to be rough <em> and </em> very rap heavy, not to mention very different from the kind of music DAY6 produces.</p><p>After the last bars of ‘Matryoshka’ play, they get a half-hearted cheering from the crowd at most, which Changbin has to admit is pretty disheartening; the reaction only becomes more enthused when Chan announces that DAY6 is about to follow them.</p><p>“Maybe we shouldn't have debuted Matryoshka to this crowd,” Jisung mutters petulantly.</p><p>Changbin silently agrees, and it's annoying because Matryoshka is a song that he had a heavy hand in composing, but he just pats his group mate on the back, not about to encourage negative whinging. “We should probably mix in some of our more melodic songs next time,” he suggests.</p><p>“Hey, nice songs!” Jae suddenly comments as he passes by then on his way up to the stage. “That last one, it’s new? It’s not on your EP right?”</p><p>Changbin shakes his head. “This is the first time we performed it publicly, but we uploaded it on our SoundCloud last week.”</p><p>“Cool, I'll check it out later.” Jae nods in approval and flashes him two thumbs up. “Nice job, 3RACHA.”</p><p>Changbin grins at him, pride swelling in his chest, and ahead of him Jisung turns around to meet his eyes, looking pretty pleased himself.</p><p>3RACHA – their group name was born after one particular all-nighter between the three of them. Before that, they were just individuals who liked to make music in their spare time.</p><p>Changbin first met Chan when he was in his last year of high school; by then he’d already been dabbling with music composition for a good five years, and sharing cherry-picked compositions on the internet under an anonymous pseudonym for two years, give or take.</p><p>One night, he had received a message from the user called CB97, and he almost fell out of his chair because he <em> knew </em> CB97. The guy had twice as many followers as he did, and a music catalogue that was twice as big as his own. ‘I really like your style,’ he was told, followed by more details of which songs they particularly enjoyed and why. Changbin was pretty flattered, and he had excitedly written back—a bit embarrassing in hindsight, considering the gushing he  did over CB97’s tracks, which he’s pretty sure did not go at all with the dark image his music that he produced as SPEARB reflected.</p><p>Things kind of just snowballed from there; the two of them started a regular back and forth, with the two of them discussing their musical roots and influences at first, and then eventually constantly seeking each other’s advice and opinion on songs before they shared them with the general public.</p><p>They frequently talked about possibly collaborating, but it didn’t really happen until Seungmin introduced his new classmate, Jisung, to Changbin, and in turn he had introduced the youngest to Chan. Once it was the three of them, it had been pretty clear – there was something special that was unsaid, a spark between the three of them and their music.</p><p>The night when they decided on their name, they had been working on one of their earlier songs, a rearrangement of a track composed by Chan when he was still in high school. Working together hadn't come quite so easily for them yet, so when they finally finished the song – ‘Runner’s High,’ a song which will one day become a crowd favorite back home – they had been eager to upload and share it with people.</p><p>Jisung had navigated to the SoundCloud homepage immediately, only for the three of them to realise at once that while they had individual accounts, they were yet to sign-up as the little three-man unit they had just formed.</p><p>“What should we call ourselves?”</p><p>Changbin’s memory of who had asked it first is hazy, and even hazier are the slew of suggestions that followed right after.</p><p>“3RACHA,” someone eventually said, and maybe Changbin needs to go see someone about his failing memory because he doesn’t remember who it was specifically that came up with the name first. They’d ordered original fried chicken earlier that evening, food to tide them over for the night, and Chan had produced a bottle of sriracha, telling them that a friend of his had vouched for it being <em> very </em> good with fried chicken – Changbin remembers the strangest things from that night, clearly.</p><p>“Because we’re all hot,” Jisung had said, grinning cheekily. “Sizzling.” And then Chan was laughing, and so was Changbin, and mostly what he remembers after that is the feeling of everything clicking together, and just knowing that they finally had their name.</p><p>It’s been a little over three years since then, and none of them have really looked back. Not Changbin, anyway; he knows he’s still young, and that they all have a long way to go, but he knows that he has grown so much with Jisung and Chan.</p><p>So—even if the crowd might not have been very responsive, but he thinks it feels just as satisfying to be praised by a fellow musician. </p><p>
  <em> Nice job, dude.  </em>
</p><p>Changbin can’t even really begin to explain the feeling of being complimented like that, especially after a live performance, even if it's just three little words, by someone he more or less looks up to. </p><p>For that matter, Changbin can’t really begin to explain what kind of high performing on stage produces either, especially with two friends who share the same goals and dreams as him.</p><p>He just knows that it feels really damn good.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>After that, as they swing back up north, the tour progresses both slowly and quickly all at once.</p><p>They average performing three to four nights every week; most of their audience, unsurprisingly, are Korean expats who discovered DAY6 either through their friends from back in South Korea, or the internet. At some of the shows, however, they’re delightfully surprised to find a few fans here and there who came solely for <em> them, </em> 3RACHA. It’s those nights that feel like they go by too quickly.</p><p>The rest of their time is spent on the road or post-stage unwinding with DAY6 and the road crew, most of whom, Changbin learns soon enough, already know each other from previous jobs, and that their interpersonal relationships make good gossip fodder during travel downtime.</p><p>Much to Jisung’s delight, they <em> are </em> occasionally given days off here and there that allow them to explore the towns they pass through, but mostly he goes and takes off with Minho, the soundboard operator who he has hit it off with very well. A little too well, if you ask Changbin, and he never fails to point this out to Jisung, who simply huffs and ignores his teasing.</p><p>A little over a month into the tour, just a day shy of Changbin's birthday, they play at their biggest venue yet, in Seattle. The place is pretty packed and even 3RACHA get not only more than  a decent amount of cheers, but they get the crowd hyped up enough to yell along to the hooks of most of the songs that they perform. Their merchandise allocated for that specific location gets sold out, and multiple groups of fans ask to take pictures with them after their performance is over. </p><p>Best of all is when they get back to the motel that management has booked for everyone, and it turns out that half of the road crew had gone ahead of everyone else to set up a celebration party by the pool.</p><p>“Oh, shit—” Jisung, who had been muttering to himself just how tired he is and how eager he is to face plant onto a bed, not even five minutes earlier, suddenly appears to have renewed energy. He’s quick to flash a wide grin, right before he skips over to Minho who is already holding out a bottle of beer towards him.</p><p>Changbin can only shake his head at Jisung’s uncharacteristic enthusiasm towards alcohol. Chan, meanwhile, has never been one to pass up free booze, so it’s not much of a surprise before their defacto leader is easily pulled into the thick of it all.</p><p>The party isn’t made of a very large crowd; it’s mostly the same twenty people that Changbin has been spending every single of the last month with, give or take a few of the local crew. Some of them are in the pool, laughing as they chased each other around in the water—everyone has a beer in hand (or two), and it’s clear that all of them are feeling pretty good about the success of the evening.</p><p>To be frank, Changbin is a tad surprised—seeing the road crew party is one thing, but most of the members of DAY6 has never struck him as the type to party hard, but over the course of the tour he has learned that some people are truly filled with surprises.</p><p>Changbin is the last person to be a spoilsport—especially not when Chan yells out to the entire crowd, “Everyone, it's Binnie's birthday tomorrow!” and everyone cheers even louders.</p><p>For Changbin, whose source of adrenaline whenever he's on stage is the cheering of the audience, this pumps him up real good, and so he’s just as quick to join in the fun, loudly cracking jokes with the best of the crew and cheering most loudly as Yeonjun, the guitar tech, jumps into the water soon enough to race against Chan – which isn’t really the best idea, since the latter was apparently a  regional swim meet champion back in high school, but no one outside of 3RACHA knows that, and neither Changbin, nor Jisung thinks to volunteer that information before the very one-sided race takes place.</p><p>He isn’t sure exactly how long it actually takes, but it doesn’t really take a lot for all of them to get drunk—it's very prevalent in the way that no one seems to be on key when everybody tries to sing him the Happy Birthday song at the strike of midnight.</p><p>Changbin, unsurprisingly, is really, <em> really </em> drunk by the time the phone in his pocket starts ringing. He doesn’t even realise that it’s <em> his </em> phone going off at first.</p><p>It’s Jisung, of all people, who identifies the ringing as his phone.</p><p>“Seo Changbin!!!” The younger male yells. “Isn’t that your ringtone for Seungminnie?!”</p><p>The ominous melody of Darth Vader’s theme song loudly sounds off, and Changbin has to pause for a couple of seconds before he scrambles to whip his phone out of his pocket. Upon a cursory glance at the screen, he vaguely catches a fuzzy number 2. He figures that means it’s either some time past midnight or two in the morning—maybe 5AM, quite frankly, if his world has already begun turning itself inside out and wrong way around, which sometimes happens when he’s inebriated.</p><p>He raises a hand as if to motion for everyone else to be quiet, which doesn’t really work because everyone is too blasted and having too much fun acting like drunk idiots.</p><p>“Hello?” It’s Seungmin at the other end of the line.</p><p>“Hey!” Changbin slurs, his face lighting up. “Seungminnie!”</p><p>“Is that his girlfriend?” Somebody stage whispers to someone else. Changbin thinks it must be Yeonjun, talking to Soobin, one of the audio crew—a few minutes earlier the guy had been practically in Soobin’s face, drunkenly marveling at how pretty Soobin is for a man. Or it could be Jae’s girlfriend, who had met them at the Seattle show, talking to Jae. Maybe even Jihyo, the tour manager, just randomly voicing a question out loud—Changbin is so out of it, his brain can’t even identify the voice properly. </p><p>“Why is he so happy?” Somebody else asks.</p><p>Jisung snorts. “He <em> wishes </em>he has a girlfriend.”</p><p>Changbin makes a face at him. “Hello?” Seungmin repeats from the other end of the line. “You busy? I know it’s late there, but you guys never sleep early after you perform, so I figured—”</p><p>“SEUNGMIN!” Changbin repeats his name, just as slurred as before, but a little louder. “Wait a minute.”</p><p>He walks a couple of meters away from the pool, and leans against the stairwell leading up to their rooms. “Hi! Hey!”</p><p>“You’re drunk.” Seungmin says it matter-of-factly.</p><p>“A little,” Changbin admits. He misses a beat, but then he starts up again. “Hey dude. I miss you. It's my birthday, Seungminnie! Where's my present?”</p><p>“This phone call is your present.” Seungmin snorts from the other end of the line. “Geez, hyung. You really <em> are </em>drunk.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know.” Changbin drunkenly giggles; someone is shouting something he can’t make out in the background. “You with someone? Who’s over there—?”</p><p>“Uh—”</p><p>There’s a long pause from the other end and then Changbin doesn’t remember what happens after that.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Changbin dreams about Seungmin that night.</p><p>He dreams of his last day in Seoul—rather, of the night before his flight back to L.A., just talking with Seungmin in the latter’s bedroom while the rest of their friends were passed out drunk in the living room. They were catching up, he thinks. Sort of—they’ve already spent the entire week catching up on each other’s lives, yet somehow they still have a lot to talk about.</p><p>Seungmin is going on and on and <em> and fucking on, </em> about his family, about hanging out with both of their sisters the last time he visited Yongin—and about school, and all his friends, both old and shared with Changbin, and new ones whose names Changbin barely recognises. It’s all things that he already knows about, because it’s not like the two of them don’t regularly chat on KKT or even occasionally video call each other, but Seungmin is re-hashing everything anyway, from Hyunjin’s dating escapades with multiple different noonas, to Jeongin’s slow burn attempt at wooing this freshman girl he met at his Intro to Logic class.</p><p>His mouth is just going on and on, and Changbin is just laughing at everything until he—even though he’s only really had one bottle of beer, and is mostly sober—leans in and kisses his oldest friend right on the lips.</p><p>When Changbin wakes up, it’s all still so vivid; he knows that’s probably because it’s really less a dream, and more an actual memory.</p><p>And it’s not even the first time that it happened.</p><p>The first time was New Year’s Eve when Seungmin, together with Hyunjin and Jisung, had turned legal. All of them had camped at the small apartment that Changbin was newly sharing with Chan at the time. The idea was so that all three of them can be together for their first time drinking alcohol, but then Jisung had revealed that his older brother had once let him have a couple of soju shots—long ago, when his brother had  first turned legal, when he hadn’t even transferred high schools and met Seungmin and Hyunjin yet.</p><p>They had all let out a collective groan of disappointment, but then Chan, ever the diplomat, pointed out that this was still going to be his first time drinking with <em> them, </em> and everyone quickly got on board with that new idea. It had turned out that Hyunjin and Jisung were complete lightweights, and had passed out after a total of three soju bottles between the two of them.</p><p>Chan, meanwhile, had just rushed into the bathroom five minutes prior, give or take, either to pee or vomit—neither Seungmin nor Changbin were really thinking about it, not when they were too busy laughing—Changbin scribbling random art on both of Hyunjin’s and Jisung’s faces with a marker that he couldn’t be bothered to check if it was permanent or dry erase, while Seungmin documented everything by taking pictures on his phone.</p><p>And then they were just laughing, reviewing the pictures as they leaned against each other on their small couch. </p><p>It was Seungmin who made the first move at the time, but it wasn’t as if Changbin made any protests. He kissed back readily, as if he had been expecting it even though he wasn’t. When Seungmin’s mouth opened a little, Changbin eagerly did the same and soon tongues were involved, and then roaming hands—and then Jisung made a loud, heaving sound and just as quickly as the kiss had escalated, Seungmin and Changbin pulled apart.</p><p>They were both out of breath, their lips swollen. Their cheeks were flushed, partly from the alcohol, but mostly—<em> not really. </em> Jisung didn’t wake up, and he just rolled over on the floor; nevertheless, Seungmin muttered that it was probably time to sleep, and at the exact same time Changbin suggested that it was probably time to check on Chan in the bathroom.</p><p>“Gotta make sure that he hasn’t drowned in the toilet,” he had joked, laughter shaky as he was feeling considerably less buzzed than he was just ten minutes earlier.</p><p>The next day, Seungmin declared, “I’m never going to get as drunk as I did last night,” and Changbin took that to be his way of saying that there was no fucking way they were going to talk about what happened the night before, so he didn’t mention it.</p><p>“You’re my best friend,” was what he said instead. “My friend that I’ve known for the longest. You know that right?”</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Pictures from the party are quick to make their way online, on various social media websites, from Facebook to Instagram. Unsurprising, because even though all members of 3RACHA are bad at SNS, more than half of the road crew are obsessed with posting and tagging each other using the most embarrassing photographs.</p><p>When Changbin wakes up around noon the day after, he’s already tagged in 88 pictures, most in which he’s looking incredibly drunk and stupid. He figures that at least he can be thankful that he’s not the only one because Jisung is looking completely flushed with embarrassment, muttering all sorts of profanities,  as he navigates through the Instagram app on his phone.</p><p>Changbin, personally, can’t help but crack up completely when he scrolls past a picture of Minho giving Jisung an obnoxious looking smooch on the cheek.</p><p>“How do I not remember this happening?!” He asks out loud, laughing as he holds up his phone screen to show his two bandmates.</p><p>The flush on Jisung’s face turns into an even deeper shade of red, while Chan snorts. “You were on the phone.”</p><p><em> Oh— </em>he remembers now that Seungmin had called late last night. Changbin’s thumb moves across his phone screen so he can open and check the recent calls list. </p><p><em> Right. </em> That hadn’t been a dream, then.</p><p>He navigates to his KakaoTalk app to shoot his friend a message, and as if on cue, a tiny notification pops up on Changbin’s screen telling him that Seungmin has just gone online.</p><p>“Hey!” He messages, along with an animated puppy sticker. “You called last night?”</p><p>At least five minutes pass before Seungmin responds. “You were drunk as a fish, weren’t you?”</p><p>“Hehe. Sorta,” Changbin admits. “What did we talk about? Did you call to talk about anything in particular?”</p><p>The three dots indicating that Seungmin is typing immediately appears, and yet he has to wait another five to ten minutes before he gets a reply. “Not really,” flashes on the screen, “I forget now why I called in the first place.”</p><p>Changbin is still typing his own message back, when Seungmin sends another message. “Anyway, gotta go. Talk to you later.”</p><p>And then “Kim Seungmin is now OFFLINE” is flashing on the screen, and Changbin is left with a one way conversation window.</p><p>He feels an uncomfortable rumbling at the pit of his stomach, and he wants to think that’s just all of last night messing with his digestive system, but he doesn’t really believe it.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>They start moving back down the map after Washington, and they play a few more gigs in more obscure towns in Oregon before they cross the state to Nevada. Jisung is excited about going sight-seeing because they have a four-day hole in their schedule, and because Changbin is bored, he decides to tag along even though he knows that Jisung’s adventure plans mostly involve Minho.</p><p>He tries to invite Chan to go with them so that he doesn’t have to third wheel by himself, but the older man tells him that he actually wants to rest for once and Changbin feels bad about insisting because Chan doesn’t really get enough sleep as it is. The DAY6 members seem to have planned a sightseeing tour of their own, while most of the rest of the road crew don’t really seem interested in playing tourist – probably because most of them have traveled enough on these same roads, and through these same towns before.</p><p>This is how Changbin gets stuck with Jisung and Minho all by himself, and it really wouldn’t be so bad because Jisung is one of his best friends, while he’s formed a pretty interesting rapport with Minho over the last month—except the two of them are in the middle of a weird push and pull; an ongoing will they or won’t they that everyone has agreed is really just a matter of time before it happens and they get together in one form or another. (Everyone’s even placed their bets; Changbin has twenty bucks on them hooking up six weeks into the tour which means he has until the end of the week to possibly win and collect.)</p><p>Jisung and Minho are taking stupid touristy selfies on the streets when Changbin suddenly feels his phone vibrate in his pocket.</p><p>“Hello?” Even without looking at his screen, he recognises Hyunjin’s voice. “Hyung?”</p><p>“Hey!” Changbin exclaims, excited. “What’s with all the calls I’ve been getting recently? You guys miss me more than usual?”</p><p>Hyunjin laughs from the other end of the line. “Yeah, sure, maybe.” He pauses. “Seungmin misses you”</p><p>Changbin laughs. “The rest of you guys don’t?”</p><p>“You know what I mean.”</p><p>Changbin isn’t sure that he does, but instead of clarifying, he teases instead. “You felt the need to call me just to tell me this?” </p><p>He thinks he actually <em> hears </em>Hyunjin shrug. “He’s been acting really weird since you left again for the US, to be honest.”</p><p>“Mhm?” </p><p>“Did anything happen?” Hyunjin asks, sounding suspicious even through the phone.</p><p>Changbin laughs uneasily. “I don’t think so? Maybe he’s sad that I get to tour with DAY6 and he doesn’t,” he offers playfully.</p><p>“Well. Okay.” Hyunjin sighs, completely ignoring the crack about DAY6. He doesn’t sound convinced, but he’s never been the type to push either. “So how’s the tour going, hyung? From pictures, you seem like you’ve been really having the time of your life recently.”</p><p>Changbin ignores how loaded that comment sounds, and laughs instead. “Great!” He exclaims, and then he launches into a rushed speech about how amazing the last few lives have been.</p><p>“Hyung—!” Jisung calls him over, and Changbin is reminded that he doesn’t really have time right now for chitchat with friends back home. “We gotta get moving!”</p><p>“I have to go Hyunjinnie,” he says. “Tell Jeongin and Seungmin I say hi.”</p><p>Hyunjin laughs, but it seems strained, like there’s more he wishes he could have told Changbin. Nevertheless, a playful sounding “Tell Channie-hyung and that idiot Jisung I said hi too,” is how he signs off on the call. </p><p> </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“So this guy,” Chaeyoung starts. “This best friend of yours, what’s the deal with that?”</p><p>Changbin isn’t sure how the two of them ended up hanging out together; they’re somewhere in the outskirts of Reno, and the previous night’s performance had been cancelled because of some “unforeseen circumstances.” There was some scheduling snafu with the club where they were supposed to perform at, and after some kind of heated, closed door argument between Jihyo and the club’s manager, apparently everyone had just agreed to cut their losses with the club reimbursing the down payment for the venue, while Sana, their one-woman on-the-road PR department, had worked double time on announcing the cancellation online while appeasing disappointed fans.</p><p>All of that is yesterday’s trouble, though—this is the first hiccup of their tour so far, and apparently that’s a pretty good thing. The road crew, led by Bambam, had proposed yet another round of getting wasted since they had the evening free anyway.</p><p>“Fuck our crappy roach-infested motel rooms!” He had exclaimed, and the rest of the road crew had firmly backed his suggestion up in solidarity. </p><p>Free flowing booze all night long easily explains why everyone has chosen to sleep in late; it’s not as if they had to be on the road until later that day anyway.</p><p>Correction: <em> almost </em> everyone, because Changbin was wide awake as early as 7AM. He had chosen to forego the previous night’s festivities because he didn’t really want another repeat of the night when Seungmin called. He <em> did </em> try going back to sleep, but his body apparently had different plans for him.</p><p>On the bed across his, he’d found Jisung knocked out, and face down on his mattress; he didn’t budge an inch even after Changbin washed up and made his way out of the room. Physical exercise so early in the day isn’t very much like Changbin, but with nothing else better to do, he figures he might as well take a morning walk; he also figures that might help clear his head of the many intrusive thoughts that have been floating around there recently.</p><p>Before he can actually leave the motel though, he finds Chaeyoung by the parking lot, back against the tour bus and a halfway done cigarette pinched between two fingers.</p><p>Somehow, Changbin gravitates towards her, and for some reason, Chaeyoung lets him.</p><p>“What do you mean, what’s the deal?” Changbin asks.</p><p>“I hear you’re in a fight.” Chaeyoung lights another cigarette. He offers Changbin one, and he hesitates before refusing; it’s too early in the day for a smoke, he thinks. Never mind that in the last half hour they’ve been quietly hanging out, Chaeyoung has already gone through a stick and a half.</p><p>Changbin laughs. “Didn’t peg you for a gossip monger, Chaeyoung.”</p><p><em> Is that the story that's going down the grapevine? </em>he wonders. It's not as if he and Seungmin are fighting—at least, he doesn't think they are. But they also haven't really talked to each other properly in at least a week, not since that weird chat conversation when Seungmin had unceremoniously logged off on him. At most he’s sent Seungmin a few tour updates here and there, mostly about DAY6’s setlist, and his friend would reply hours later with nothing more than a thumbs up emoji, or if he’s feeling more gracious, some cute sticker.</p><p>Chaeyoung laughs. “Have you <em> met </em> this crew?” She scoffs. “Everyone’s always all up one another’s business—your bandmates included.” </p><p>Changbin groans; he’s now thinking that maybe he should have stuck around the party the night before if only to stop Jisung, or even Chan, who’s been known to talk too much when under the influence. </p><p>“True,” he admits with a wince. “You and Tzuyu-ssi ever fight? You’ve been together since... high school. Right? That’s what I heard.” </p><p>Chou Tzuyu is the lighting rigger; she and Changbin haven’t really had any sort of meaningful exchange past nods of acknowledgments, but Chaeyoung is right, and everyone on this damn tour really do talk about each other way too much, so he finds that even he possesses unsolicited information about various road crew members.</p><p>Chaeyoung laughs. “Try since when we were 13. We met at the beginning of eighth grade—my parents moved to the US when I was a baby, but Tzuyu grew up in Taiwan. Her family moved into town that year and I guess you could say I took her under my wing—” she laughs, and smoke rings surround the two of them. “Funny enough, she’s the one who got me <em> this </em> job, though.”</p><p>Changbin laughs. “Yeah?”</p><p>Chaeyoung hums. “She heard they were actually hiring someone to help with stage make-up on this tour—” she laughs. “The other bands she’s worked for before never really needed make-up artists, but it was a great opportunity so I took it.” </p><p>Changbin shrugs good-naturedly. “Sounds like a most beneficial friendship.”</p><p>Chaeyoung laughs again. “We’re best friends. And it’s nice, being on the road with your best friend.”</p><p>Changbin turns to look at her, and there’s something about her expression that he can’t quite place a finger on.</p><p>“So. You  two ever fight?” He chooses to repeat his original question instead.</p><p>“Don’t all friends fight?” Chaeyoung shrugs. “Not a lot though. But then again, we’re not in a long-distance relationship.”</p><p>Changbin almost chokes on his own spit at that—both at the nonchalance delivery, and at her actual words. “You say that like you’re implying something,” he says, eyeing her warily.</p><p>Chaeyoung  smirks. “I’m not. But your gossipy group mates like to imply a lot of <em> somethings, </em> though.”</p><p>Changbin groans. “Of course they do.”</p><p>Chaeyoung shakes his head, smiling. “That Jisung’s got a mouth on him. Bang Chan-ssi too, especially when he’s had a few to drink.”</p><p>Changbin shoves his hands into his hoodie’s pockets; frankly, he’s a little annoyed at his friends. It’s not like he has told them anything about him and Seungmin, because there isn’t really anything to tell, but they’ve all known each other for years—heck he wouldn’t even be friends with Jisung had it not been for Seungmin—not to mention he’s lived with them for the last year and a half. Chan had once told Changbin that he’s surprisingly an open book, that he tends to wear his heart on his sleeve and he’s very obvious when something is bothering him because he always gets grumpy, or he visibly squirms when something makes him uncomfortable – maybe he’s right. He <em> has </em> recently avoided any and all talk involving Seungmin.</p><p>“Do you remember telling him you love him that night?” Chaeyoung asks all of a sudden.</p><p>“Huh?” Changbin blinks; he truly doesn’t. “But hey—” he chuckles nervously, but it isn’t like he’s never told Seungmin that he loves him before. Despite appearances, Changbin is pretty big on affection. “We’re allowed to tell our friends we love them, right?”</p><p>Chaeyoung snorts. “It seemed different though. The way you said it.”</p><p>Changbin stares at her, puzzled.</p><p>Chaeyoung grins cheekily and holds her left hand to her ear, pretending it’s a phone. “Seungminnie, I miss you.” Her imitation of his low tone is a little gruff, but Changbin gets what she’s doing. <em> “I love you,” </em>she starts in accented English that’s clearly meant to mimic him before continuing in Korean, “So damn much. Seungmin. I’m drunk. Honestly drunk. I love you.”</p><p>Changbin stares even harder. He doesn’t remember any of that at all; Chaeyoung doesn’t even attempt to hold in her laughter at his expression.</p><p>The words don’t seem foreign—they’re things he can easily tell Seungmin even when he's;s sober, but somehow he <em> gets </em> what Chaeyoung means by <em> different. </em> And if he could tell just from a half-assed imitation of him that she’s doing, it makes him wonder what Seungmin himself had thought of the rambling.</p><p>“Something like that anyway,” she concludes, taking one last hit off her cigarette before throwing down it's stubby remains on the gravelly parking lot and putting it out with the toe of her Converse All-Stars.</p><p>“Well. <em> Shit,” </em>Changbin mutters under his breath.</p><p>She lights another cigarette again, and holds out the pack towards Changbin. There’s only one stick left, and this time Changbin barely hesitates before giving in and taking it.</p><p>“So what’s the story there?” Chaeyoung asks. “Your group mates are drunk blabbermouths, but they seem to genuinely have no idea what the actual score is.”</p><p>Changbin snorts, holding out his cigarette for Chaeyoung to light up. “I have no idea, to be honest.”</p><p>“But there’s something?”</p><p>Changbin pauses; he thinks about it – and then he wonders if there actually is something to talk about . “Maybe.”</p><p>Chaeyoung raises an eyebrow, but she doesn’t pry anymore.</p><p>“So. You and Tzuyu-ssi?” Changbin asks, taking a long drag off his cigarette, and then very slowly exhaling smoke. It’s his turn to ask questions.</p><p>“What about me and her?” Chaeyoung lifts an eyebrow as if challenging him to be more clear with his inquiry.</p><p>Changbin shrugs.</p><p>“She has a boyfriend, actually,” Chaeyoung says, her tone somewhat wistful. “She’s dating a hotel bartender back in Long Beach. Generally she likes men. Can’t blame her, you know? Most of them are shit—” she fixes a stare at Changbin as if willing him to disagree; he deflates a little but he doesn’t say anything and she takes that as her cue to keep going,  “—but some guys are alright. I like <em> some </em> guys. I just happen to like girls more.”</p><p><em> “Huh.” </em> Changbin simply keeps looking at her, unsure what to say.</p><p>Chaeyoung shrugs yet again, a half-smile painted on her face. “But fuck that.” She grins. “If she ever makes some kind of obvious indication that she’s into me, I won’t waste any fucking time, you know?”</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>The next time Changbin is free and bored enough to log onto social media, he goes on Instagram and is met with pictures of Seungmin and the rest of their friends, drunk and once again partying at Seungmin’s apartment. There’s a face that Changbin doesn’t quite recognise, but the name on the account he’s tagged with is very familiar.</p><p>“I’m seeing someone,” Seungmin had shared with him around three months ago.</p><p>This is something that Changbin has never told anyone. Partly because he isn’t sure if any of their other friends at home know anything about it—although maybe now they do, considering they were all just clearly having fun with him.</p><p>When Seungmin first brought it up over a video call, Changbin had grinned, and asked, “Who’s the lucky girl?”</p><p>Seungmin had visibly cringed through the camera, straight through Changbin’s laptop monitor, and for the first time in years, Changbin had allowed himself to think about their kiss.</p><p>This is how he just knew it wasn't a girl—it all simply clicked into place.</p><p>“You know, right?” Seungmin asked, his voice soft and almost hesitant; missing the usually confident and teasing lilt it contains when he's bantering with Changbin.</p><p>They had stared at each other for a good long minute, and even a sea apart—even just through just computer screens, they managed to read each other just fine. Changbin always assumed that was something that came from years upon years of knowing each other.</p><p>“Who’s the lucky guy?” Changbin asked again, reframing his question.</p><p>“Someone I met in class,” Seungmin said. “It’s really just a casual thing, but I wish you could meet him.”</p><p>Changbin nodded wordlessly; there was a funny feeling spreading across his body, but he wasn't ready to admit what that was all about. </p><p>“You’re the first person I’m telling,” Seungmin added, which made Changbin laugh. Of course. He shouldn’t have expected any less.</p><p>And then they stared at each other again for another fleeting minute, and once again, Changbin just knew—they were both looking back at <em> that time. </em></p><p>“Wish you were here,” Seungmin said, ignoring whatever that shared moment was about; and then shortly after that he had to log off, and Changbin had been left with nothing but confused feelings and memories.</p><p>He’s thinking about that time again now – frankly he's been thinking about that time way too much recently – and he can’t help but recall the way Seungmin had been the one to shy away from talking about that first kiss; that it had been Seungmin to first pretend that nothing had occurred, and it was Seungmin who pushed him towards a girl the first chance he got afterwards. (Jiwon was nice but completely not his type; they were both far too loud and far too aggressive about all the same things and Changbin preferred someone who could complement him rather than someone like him—someone who could be soft when he's sharp, who could lead when he's willing to follow, and also the other way around. He would have thought that Seungmin would know that, and would have refrained from pushing him and Jiwon onto each other; all things considered he should probably count himself lucky that brief relationship hadn't imploded as messily as it could have.)</p><p>He wonders what would have happened if they had woken up and talked about that kiss despite being hung over as fuck. If, at the time, he had insisted on The Talk despite Seungmin outwardly indicating that he didn’t want to. Honestly though, it’s not like Changbin himself was ready for that conversation then and that's why he had let it slide the way he did.</p><p>Not that he’s ready now, because he’s not even really sure what there is to be ready for, but still. <em> What if? </em></p><p>He thinks maybe this is the same train of thought that had pushed him to kiss Seungmin after seeing him again when he last visited back home. But then he had been the one to run away from that, so who knows whose choices it really is that has gotten him and Seungmin to where they are now.</p><p>In the end, he knows that too much thinking isn’t going to get him anywhere—so he pushes them all away and files all his musings for another time. As much as he would like to confront them head on, Seungmin is thousands of miles away from him and there isn't much that he can do.</p><p>3RACHA plays a killer set that night.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>For the final leg of the tour, they go back to Los Angeles. Makes sense—they end where they start, their homebase where they have long ago built a foundation for a decent following.</p><p>This time, they're given a week off before they start a slew of gigs scheduled for four consecutive nights at various clubs and livehouses around the city where they've performed multiple times before. Here, they knew that they wouldn't easily lose to DAY6 when it comes to the audience—they hope so, anyway.</p><p>Either way, a week long break is most welcome after two months on the road. Changbin didn't even realise just how much he missed the familiar comfort of his bed until he crawls into it and he finds that the mattress is just the right amount of springy that he likes. He doesn't think he's going to miss the backbreaking hardness of motel beds, or the uncomfortable tight space of the bunks on the tour bus.</p><p>The best part of the week, however, is when he comes home from a quick grocery run one afternoon, two days away from their next gig, and he finds Seungmin—<em> in the flesh— </em>waiting at their doorstep.</p><p>“You’re here.” Changbin states in awe, and Seungmin simply nods. “Just you?”</p><p>“I left Hyunjin and Jeongin at the place we’re staying at,” Seungmin answers, a small smile curving on his lips. “We found an ok place with reasonable rates  on Airbnb."</p><p>Changbin grins, rummaging through his bag for his house keys. “You all could just stay here—for <em> free. </em> We would've made room if you told us you were coming!”</p><p>Seungmin snorts. “You talked a lot before about how small your apartment is for all three of you,” he points out patiently. “I assumed we'd be uncomfortably packed if we stayed with you guys—besides, if we called first, then that would have ruined the surprise!”</p><p>It’s more than a little awkward, which is weird—any other time, Seungmin would have probably already made a crack about how the US doesn’t seem to be treating Changbin well, or, at the very least he would have gone for some good-natured yet backhanded compliment already. Instead he’s just smiling and being very polite and cordial—which he usually is, but only with other people. Not with Changbin.</p><p>He almost makes a crack about Seungmin acting like a pod person, but he bites his tongue for now. It’s been weeks since they had properly talked, and he’s just happy to have Seungmin here—even though he’s mentally betting that the trip is probably digging a hole into his friends’ pockets. He doesn’t want to ruin anything by saying all the wrong things. </p><p>“Where are the others?” Seungmin asks when Changbin opens the door and lets him in. “Jisungie? Channie-hyung?”</p><p>“Channie-hyung’s at the studio,” Changbin answers, taking off his shoes.”Jisung is, get this—” he pauses and stares at Seungmin for effect, the corner of his mouth quirking upwards in smirk, “—on <em> a date.” </em></p><p>“Is he now?” Seungmin chuckles softly. “Good for  him.”</p><p>Changbin lifts an eyebrow; normally here is where Seungmin would laugh and make a crack about the poor soul blinded enough to ask Jisung on a date.</p><p>Seungmin meets his gaze, and slightly shrugs his shoulders.</p><p>“You’re blonde,” he comments, after looking at Changbin and scrutinizing from head to toe; it would feel uncomfortable except this actually feels more like Seungmin finally being Seungmin so Changbin can't  help but smile. “And you got a haircut.”</p><p>Changbin laughs and consciously runs his fingers through his hair; he forgot that this is the first time Seungmin is seeing his new hairstyle. “Lost a bet last week,” he explains. “Chaeyoung helped me bleach it—also it’s just a trim!”</p><p>“Chaeyoung,” Seungmin repeats pointedly.</p><p>“Uh, yeah,” Changbin nods and grins crookedly; he’s not sure why Seungmin is fixating on her. “At least I didn't have to shave all my hair off—you should see Sungjin-hyung. His new style doesn’t look nearly as good as I do with this hairstyle.”</p><p>Seungmin snorts. “You wish. I saw Sungjin-ssi’s new shaved head on their band’s official Instagram! He looks great—! You, however…” He scrunches his nose and Changbin laughs because <em> this, </em> now, is his Seungmin.</p><p>Seungmin follows suit and takes off his shoes before closing the door behind him; the two of them linger by the threshold a few more seconds, and when their eyes meet, Changbin takes a deep breath. </p><p>“I missed you.”</p><p>The tense atmosphere is back, somewhat.</p><p>Seungmin nods; a small smile is curved on his lips but he looks nervous more than anything else. “Me too.”</p><p>Changbin shifts his weight from his left foot to his right, and the two of them regard each other warily.</p><p>“I guess we’re supposed to talk, huh?” he says.</p><p>Seungmin shrugs once again. “I guess so.”</p><p>Before Changbin could say that they should get settled in first, in the living room, maybe—or better yet at the table in the kitchen-dining hybrid area—the door knob turns, and Jisung stumbles into the tiny apartment, Minho in tow.</p><p>“Seungminnie!” Jisung greets, face lighting up with surprise; he's quick to lunge forward and fling his arms around Seungmin in an excited welcome hug. Behind him, Minho quietly, but curiously watches them. It’s a little annoying because he looks like he’s got an idea that he and Jisung interrupted something, which is silly because he’s never even met Seungmin before.</p><p>“Have you come to see us perform?” Jisung asks. “We have a gig the day after tomorrow, you’ll be there right?”</p><p>“Of course.” Seungmin nods, chuckling. “Hyunjin and Innie are here too.”</p><p>“Holy shit!” Jisung gawks. “How much did the travel cost you?!”</p><p>Seungmin winces. “We got discounted economy tickets but—let’s not talk money now,” he says, tilting his head and returning Minho’s stare, clearly expecting to be introduced.</p><p>“Minho, this is Seungmin,” Changbin says, interjecting and doing the introductions himself because it wasn’t looking like Jisung was about to do it. “Apparently he’s here with a few of our other friends to—” he glances at Seungmin, silently asking for clarification because an impromptu trip across oceans feels like it needs more of a reason than he’s been given so far; he gets nothing though, so he continues, “—support us, I guess.”</p><p>“And sight-see,” Seungmin murmurs, a half hearted addition to the explanation that’s been given. “We're here for a week.”</p><p>“Nice to meet you Seungmin,” Minho answers, politely bowing his head but also offering his hand for a good introductory shake, that Seungmin takes and returns. “I worked with Jisung and Changbin on the tour.”</p><p>“Oh that reminds me—!” Jisung interrupts again before Seungmin can respond. “Chan-hyung texted and said they need us at the studio tonight,” he pauses to check the time on his phone. “In about an hour.” </p><p>Changbin exchanges a look with Minho who shrugs nonchalantly; that explains why they’re back pretty early from their so-called date. (They didn’t call it a ‘date,’ per se, but everyone knew that it might as well be; Changbin had been so close to winning the money pool—he was just shy a few days of Soobin catching the two of them making out one night, backstage, when they should have been packing up after a performance.) </p><p>“Oh.” Seungmin’s face falls a little. “Right. Good luck with that.”</p><p>The thing about Changbin’s friendship with Seungmin is that because they’ve known each other for so long, they’ve never really needed words to talk about what they are to each other. Changbin supposes he would appreciate it if Seungmin was a little more verbally open with <em> all </em> the things he felt, and <em> all </em>the things he wanted, but Changbin knew him well enough not to expect him to change.</p><p>Besides, Seungmin has always had his photography, the same way Changbin has always had his music, and those have always been the ways in which they chose to express themselves.</p><p>They can, and do talk about anything and <em> most </em> of everything under the sun—Seungmin isn’t above complaining and ranting to Changbin about his schoolwork, and the people that he has to deal with in class, and at times even his family; Changbin, on the other hand is always ready with daily anecdotes that range from frustrating to comical. They do have a friendship that allows them to talk a lot, but the problem is that ‘a lot’ doesn't really cover anything close to defining the boundaries of their friendship. They’re good friends—long time friends, maybe even the <em> best </em> of friends—and everyone is aware of this because that much is said aloud, over and over and <em> over again, </em> but the lengths they’d go for each other are never vocalized.</p><p>Changbin figures no one really does that anyway. He also figures if he sometimes feels funny about Seungmin, it shouldn’t really mean anything either—it’s just them being them.</p><p>But maybe if there was ever a time to sit down and talk about each other, now would have been it; if only they had the time.</p><p>Changbin smiles at everyone, doing his best not to be too obvious this time about the disappointment he’s feeling—whatever talk he was going to have with Seungmin will just have to wait.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>It’s a little strange seeing his friends in the audience at a Los Angeles club; it’s a little funny too, because Hyunjin and Jeongin both volunteer to help man the merchandise table and both of them go all out—advertising in heavily accented English to get patrons to buy from them. </p><p>“You guys just might be turning people off,” Seungmin comments with a fond chuckle when he passes by them before the show starts; he isn’t there with them because he had volunteered to document the event instead, and he’s carrying around his hi-tech camera with him, snapping photographs here and there.</p><p>Changbin teased him earlier that it’s just a way for him to take lots of pictures of the members of DAY6 without seeming too much like a creep—when he had been introduced to them for the first time a day earlier, he had been tongue tied, barely able to speak in fluent English even though that’s always been one of his best subjects, and even though he didn’t even need to speak in English in the first place because, as Jisung had succinctly pointed out, DAY6 is a Korean band that hails from South Korea with members who can speak Korean perfectly. Seungmin had ignored Jisung’s quip, while he’d wordlessly flipped Changbin off for his comment.</p><p>“Seems to be working just fine,” Sana, who usually mans the booth by herself, comments with amusement. “They just sold a dozen of 3RACHA shirts and a couple of caps between the two of them.”</p><p>“Seriously?” Chan blinks in surprise; his reaction is valid because if they sell even a handful at a single show, they count it as a huge success already.</p><p>“Looks like 3RACHA’s getting quite a following!” Sana says cheerfully.</p><p>Changbin hopes she’s right, but he also has a feeling that the fast merch movement has more to do with his friends’ combined good looks than their actual abilities as salesmen, or 3RACHA's supposedly growing popularity.</p><p>Hyunjin grins and holds up a peace sign. “Looks like I’m your good luck charm.” He gives Changbin and Chan a little push. “Now go on stage and blow everyone away.”</p><p>Seungmin snorts, but he glances at Changbin and gives him a brief, encouraging smile.</p><p>Their live performance goes smoothly, and Changing thinks it feels even better knowing that the loudest cheers from the audience are coming from all of his closest friends—at least three ones who aren't already standing with him on stage.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>All his friends—from the 3RACHA members, to the DAY6 members, to everyone in the road crew that worked with them during the tour, to Hyunjin and Jeongin, and of course, Seungmin—decide to go and celebrate after the performance. Changbin makes a candid remark about the state of his liver after all the drinking they did while on the road, but he’s drowned out by the resounding cheers of “YAY!” and “Heck yeah!”</p><p>Jihyo decides to take them all to a small karaoke bar that a friend of hers apparently manages, just ten minutes away from the club they performed at; everyone agrees to this game plan because karaoke paired up with free-flowing beer are clearly the best tools for celebrating and breaking down barriers when meeting new people. Drunkenly singing songs together in front of other drunk people is clearly the fastest way to make lifelong friends.</p><p>It’s when Jeongin and Jisung decide to team up and deliberately massacre some English song as everyone watches with either horrified or awed expressions, that Changbin and Seungmin decide to make their way outside the building. “To get some air,” had been Changbin’s excuse, but they both know it isn’t as simple as that.</p><p>They’re both leaning against the wall behind the bar, Changbin fiddling with a lonely cigarette stick, when he just directly asks, “So. We do this now?”</p><p>Seungmin stares at Changbin’s fingers, and ignores the question. “Are you going to light that up? Are you a chain smoker now? You didn’t really care much for smoking back home.”</p><p>Changbin rolls his eyes, and pockets the cigarette. He stares at Seungmin, who inhales and exhales a huge puff of breath. “Well?” he asks.</p><p>Seungmin shoves his hands into his jacket pockets. <em> “Well,” </em> he says.</p><p>Changbin laughs softly, a little awkwardly—far from his usual loud and boisterous laughter. He bites the inside of his cheek, waiting for Seungmin to say more. He half expects tumbleweed to roll by in front of them.</p><p>“Do you remember that time when we got drunk, and Chan-hyung spent the whole night vomiting in the bathroom of your apartment?” Seungmin finally speaks up.</p><p>Changbin nods. “When we first kissed,” he says boldly, surprising even himself.</p><p>Seungmin scoffs, a half-smile escaping his lips. “So you <em> do </em>remember.”</p><p>“Of course I do. You were the one who didn’t want to talk about it,” Changbin points out. “The one who acted like there was no way it was going to happen again.”</p><p>Seungmin laughs, but it sounds a little self-deprecating. “Because I thought you would think I really meant for it to happen.”</p><p>Changbin is stung a little by the confession. “So you didn’t?”</p><p>Seungmin looks down. “...kinda did,” he mumbles in admittance.</p><p>Changbin stares at him. Seungmin can be so fucking confusing sometimes, but before this, Changbin used to think that he's pretty good at translating him just fine.</p><p>Seungmin sighs. “You know, I was barely legal. I’d just turned twenty—technically, I was <em> eighteen </em> by international standards. I hadn’t even graduated high school yet, and we’ve been friends since <em> forever. </em> And to top it all off—” he pauses and takes a deep breath, “—we’re both boys.”</p><p>Changbin lips tighten, and he grinds his teeth. If he was going to be honest, that last part is the main reason why he’s tried to avoid dealing with whatever feelings he might have for Seungmin. He admires Jisung for being able to be so open with what he needs and <em> who </em> he wants but it doesn't come as naturally for him; furthermore it was bad enough that getting involved would mean risking their friendship but it was also just... generally easier with girls. No complications, and no explanations needed.</p><p>He nods slowly, and then he asks. “Now?”</p><p>“Now, I'm 23 and a few years wiser,” Seungmin says simply. “I can tell you now, with full confidence—I like guys. Boys. Men. Whatever you want to call them. Can you accept that? Because not everyone can, or will.”</p><p>Changbin laughs, because he can’t help himself. He shakes his head, smiling. “I love you, Seungmin,” he says. Straight to the point and very matter-of-fact.</p><p>Seungmin looks at him warily, and Changbin realises that he’s not alone in being unable to properly read Seungmin—it goes both ways.</p><p>“I know you do,” Seungmin says, slowly, carefully. “I love you too, but this goes beyond friendship, hyung. Now that I’m older and wiser, and more in control of my emotions—I can also confidently say this: I like you as more than just a friend, hyung.”</p><p>Changbin laughs again; something about Seungmin’s directness sparks something in him—makes him feel warm and hopeful, but also somewhat shy. He lightly elbows Seungmin, hoping that it will help jolt his friend into understanding him back. “That’s kind of what I meant too.”</p><p>Seungmin’s eyes widen, and it’s so amusing because this is the first time Changbin has ever seen Seungmin look so incredibly unguarded; he’s always been the type to be so diligent and well put-together. </p><p>“Oh. <em> Well.” </em> And yet, it’s also very typical of Seungmin to attempt to play it cool.</p><p><em> “Dude.” </em> Changbin is beginning to crack up.</p><p>Seungmin smacks him hard on the shoulder, but the smile quickly beginning to form on Seungmin’s face is unmistakable.</p><p>“What does this mean though, with that guy?” Changbin asks, uneasily shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Your boyfriend. Who you keep telling me I should meet, but was mysteriously nowhere to be found the entire time I was back home in Korea.”</p><p>“Felix?” Seungmin snorts, choking back laughter. “I told you that was a casual thing. We had fun, and he kind of helped me go through personal shit that I needed to work out about myself and... my sexuality but—but well he’s not—” he takes a deep breath before continuing, sounding a lot more stable and confident, “he’s not my boyfriend.”</p><p>Changbin fidgets with his jacket’s left sleeve. “You couldn’t have asked my help?” He frowns.</p><p>Seungmin laughs again. “Are you jealous? This is new. I always feel like I’m the one who’s jealous of every other thing in your life.” He grins. “I kind of like this feeling.”</p><p>Changbin groans. “I’m due a little bit of jealousy, okay,” he says; Seungmin isn’t even accurate. He’s pretty sure he’s had moments of jealousy before—like when Seungmin started getting closer to Hyunjin after Changbin graduated high school; or when Seungmin started doting a little too much over Jeongin. He just never acted on that jealousy. Besides, he’s never really had any reason to believe Seungmin ever felt jealousy either, but here he is pretty much admitting it himself without any prompting from Changbin.  </p><p>Seungmin grins. “I just told you I like it,” he points out. “And me and Felix—we fooled around a little, yeah, but we were never serious. That was clear from the get go. He’s sweet—but he’s a little too sweet. So we’re great as friends but we operate on separate wavelengths a lot of the time, and frankly, that kind of dampens any attempts to make an actual relationship work out in the long run.”</p><p>“Well. Okay.” Changbin nods slowly. “And me?”</p><p>“You, what?” Seungmin asks.</p><p>“Me. What about me? Am I not sweet?” Changbin tries to frown—tries to appear serious and not just teasing.</p><p>Seungmin snorts. “Nope. You’re everything but sweet—salty, bitter, sour especially,” he enumerates, shoulders shaking from an obvious attempt to hold in his laughter.</p><p>Changbin huffs, and Seungmin looks at him.</p><p>“You know I don’t mean it,” he says softly. “You’re the sweetest person I know, hyung. Remember when we were kids, you would always hold my hand whenever we walked down the street to play at that nearby playground—and in high school, you would always complain when I wanted to go and eat at that jjigae restaurant, but you always went with me anyway because you know I love the food there. And even these past few months, you always sent me a clip of DAY6 playing my favorite song of theirs at each and every stop of your tour. You’ve always been sweet, and to top that off—you’re the person who knows me the best. And that's the real reason—Felix  knew there was someone else I was always thinking about, and that's why a serious relationship was never possible to begin with.”</p><p>Seungmin’s breath hitches, and even under dim street lighting, Changbin notices the flush that’s spread across his cheeks. It makes him exhale quietly; his face is warm and he’s sure he’s wearing a matching flush.</p><p>“So. What are we? What happens now?” he asks, uneasy because as much as he cares for Seungmin—as much as they both clearly care for each other and regard each other as more than friends, they both have a lot of things going on in their separate lives. “I do still live and work here,” Changbing points out softly. “And I don’t think I’ll be coming home to Korea permanently anytime soon.”</p><p>“So there’s a <em> we </em>here?” Seungmin asks, his tone teasing.</p><p>Changbin gives him a pointed look, and Seungmin laughs; it quickly tapers off, however, and soon they both go quiet, until Seungmin sighs deeply.</p><p>“What if I move here?” he asks, and Changbin nearly gapes at him.</p><p>Seungmin laughs and shrugs. “Not right now, obviously,” he clarifies. “I still have half a year left before I get my degree, thank you very much.”</p><p>Changbin grins. He didn’t really expect Seungmin to just up and drop everything for him. Seungmin is a pretty dedicated student—he’s a very dedicated person overall, and he always sees things through until the end.</p><p>“But you know, after graduation,” Seungmin continues. “If you’re still here, being a badass rockstar—” they both choke back laughter, “—it’s not like moving away will stop me from doing what I want. In fact, with photography, it’s probably better if I move to another place, you know? Find new inspiration.” He purses his lips, and turns to face Changbin, vulnerability etched all over his face. “Um, I’ve—I’ve actually been looking online for opportunities here in California, photography internships and the like—and it certainly won’t hurt for me to start putting together my portfolio this early on.”</p><p>Changbin’s smile grows so widely; he can’t stop it anymore even if he tries. </p><p>“I love you,” he says, and he doesn’t know why he says it—the words just simply slide off his tongue. He thinks maybe it’s something about the way that Seungmin is so sure of this—so determined to make things work out between the two of them, that he’s gone out of his way to figure out how to make it happen. This is something he’s always admired about the younger male—one of the reasons why he loves Seungmin so much.   </p><p>Seungmin rolls his eyes. “Okay now you’re just being sappy.”</p><p>Changbin laughs even more at that because he wouldn’t have expected any other response. Seungmin laughs along, and their laughter joins together, a sound that Changbin absolutely revels in. He’s always enjoyed making Seungmin laugh like this.</p><p>“Seungminnie,” he whispers, his hand reaching sideways to find its way in Seungmin’s; he grins as he intertwines their fingers together, and when Seungmin turns to face him, he simply leans in, tiptoeing just a little so that when he tilts his head, he achieves the perfect angle to press his lips against the latter’s.</p><p>He feels Seungmin smile against his mouth; they start out slow, quick pecks amidst soft giggling. </p><p>“I’m so glad you didn’t light up that cigarette,” Seungmin whispers, and somehow this triggers something in Changbin. </p><p>He laughs, but he kisses Seungmin harder, tongue sliding across Seungmin’s bottom lip, and licking into his mouth as soon as he’s allowed entrance. Seungmin gives as much as he takes, and it dawns on Changbin that he’d played right into Seungmin’s plans because Seungmin knows him <em> this </em>much—knows exactly what buttons to push when it comes to him.</p><p>He thinks he would be happy to keep kissing Seungmin—to keep making out well into the night until their lips are numb and swollen, but then the door swings open and Jisung and Hyunjin, arms around each other and both of them looking pretty drunk, stumble out.</p><p>“The fuck you two doing out here by yourselves?!” Jisung yells, completely missing the way that Changbin and Seungmin are quick to spring apart.</p><p>“Wait—WAIT!!” Hyunjin isn't as oblivious, unfortunately. “Why do both of you look so thoroughly—” he pulls away from Jisung so he can step closer and squint at them. “Seungminnie’s lips look like a bug bit them!” He screams, before bursting into laughter.</p><p>“Gross!” Jisung makes a face. “Anyway, come back inside—you have to sing and get wasted with the best of us!” he urges, arms flailing as he motions for all of them to follow inside.</p><p>Changbin and Seungmin exchange a look, and it’s obvious the way Seungmin has to keep in his giggles. “Yeah, yeah,” he gestures for their friends to go ahead. “You lead, and we’ll follow.”</p><p>When they go back inside, hands clasped together, no one really bats an eye; and when they sing a duet together, Changbin’s arms wrapped around Seungmin and holding him closer than he normally would, all their friends just cheer—and he can’t help but think that this?</p><p>This is happiness.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>##</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>When Seungmin wakes up, he finds that it’s a good six minutes before his alarm is programmed to go off; and when he gets out of bed, he's met with a paper envelope pinned on his bedroom door; inside is a one way ticket to LAX, a flight that’s scheduled to fly in eight hours.</p><p>It’s 9 in the morning, and Seungmin is feeling pretty good.</p><p>He’s more than awake as he heads to the kitchen, and it doesn’t even bother him when he realises that his coffee maker is already safely packed away in the box marked “kitchen things.”</p><p>He feels really light, and strangely happy and it just seems like it’s going to be a good day no matter what.</p><p>He blames Changbin.</p><p><br/>
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<br/>
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  <em> fin. </em>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <span class="small">[ 4 ] As usual, feedback would be greatly appreciated, and as usual you're free to direct other questions, etc., to my <a href="http://curiouscat.me/yiminho">CuriousCat inbox</a>, haha. Thank you for making it to the end of this story!</span>
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